OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Randomize
