I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
