i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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