Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
