I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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