is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize