What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
