all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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