I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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