All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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