Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
