lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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