summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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