my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
nut hugger
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
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