then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
