also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
