this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Randomize
