ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
