Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
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