I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Randomize