wat bout pragnant strippers??
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
