I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
