i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
