At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
