Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
