I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
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