Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
