So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
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