you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
