Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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