Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
