I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
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