I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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