I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
