there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
There r osticjed everywhere
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
