I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
