i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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