look no pants
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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