with your own penis?
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
They have beer where we have blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
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