Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
