I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
