I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
