the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
