i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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