maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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