I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
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