The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
