I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
