we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
