Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Randomize
