A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
The feeling are messing with the penis
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
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