P.S. I can't hear my feet
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
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You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
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I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
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