Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
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i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
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I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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