glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Randomize
