somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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