Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
