if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
