someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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