Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
