its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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