Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
