if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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