why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
