I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
