this beer tastes like vomit already
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Randomize
