I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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