Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
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Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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