sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
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