I can text with my tongue
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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