oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
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You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
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You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
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