I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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